A perspective From Mars on Lebanon

Let us see, I will think from the eyes of one of those Green aliens taking a walk in Lebanon:

The Martian sees "tabbaleen (cheerleaders)" from both sides claiming to be the real Lebanese.

Both reactionary camps claim they want national unity while accusing each accusing the other with treacherous words and allegiance to outside forces.

Then he looks at the "Secular" Christian leaders. Each claims to be Christian because they love the leaders, rather their platform. The Lebanese Forces claiming that there is no way out but Christianity because they "love" Lebanon (in a non-secular form), while the others argue they want a strong "clean" strong Christian. Of course, both camps are secular.

Then he looks at the bigger picture, both argue they are secular but bring priests and clerics to do masses in order to prove they are secular.

Of course, as a Green Alien, he thinks the people in this nation are crazy (Similar to Asterix and Obelix's statement: "Those Romans are Crazy". But again, the term Lebanon is relative per Sect.

We got a Prime Minister who brings the highest Sunni official to the governmental palace while his opponent brings a Sunni figure to do a prayer ceremony for the Shiites.

Each claims to be the majority but refute to do a national referendum.

A member of the Stalinist Lebanese Communist Party was talking on al-Manar about a good Lebanese University program, he got interrupted because he did not fit the cliché of the situation.

Moreover, each politician claims that they are doing secular politics while accusing the other of triggering a Sectarian War.

Eventually those glorious politicians refute to accept that the problem is sectarian in the first place as each politician's strength comes from an isolated Sect and promote oneself as Sect defender (Jaajaa, Nasrallah, and Junblatt).

The Politicians glory continues as they step down from negotiations and bring religious figures to do the negotiations (The Maronite Clergymen Bedrock proposal and Dr. Yakan). This is indeed secular.

Of course, every Friday and Sunday both camps have to do prayers while having the priests/sheikhs hailing the camp.

One more thing, they all claim that they are clean and never spilled out blood (well the Future movement can be clean from that unless we consider the gradual starvation of the Lebanese in the long-run when entering the World Trade Organization).

The little Martian then hears that all Lebanese are equal. Yet, one camp is compared to the Zoo while the other compared to servants.

Actually this tiny country is so bi-polar, each fallen citizen has a copyright tag belonging to one of the two greedy camps.

Moreover, all politicians are expertise in Tennis or Ping-Pong because that what they do all day, fool the masses and yell at each other.

The Prime Minister needs smuggled audience in order to give a speech to a clapping crowd. It is ironical that the Prime Minister in a sectarian polarized nation suddenly welcomes 1000s of people per day.

We got the Chairman of the Parliament sitting for terms and terms to come (as the saying goes: Till death do us apart) who is with one camp but got elected by both.

We got a President who was shoved via election (like the young Bashir Gemayel) whose MPs got threatened to vote in favor of him. This current President though lacks the tactics of the young assassinated President, and seems he is remaining in power till his term ends.

We got Secular parties taking sides with the bi-polar camps.

We got people dancing on parades and clapping for figureheads rather platforms.

We got sectarianism and racism spreading between both camps. The by-standers (and I surely do not mean Mr. Salim el Huss) are tagged by both sides as traitors.

People are dying in neighboring countries but all they can think about is who is more Lebanese while each claims resistance supremacy.

The Martian then looks at the Lebanese flag and notices there are two lines. He things each Red line signifies a camp. He then notices a Cedar, and decides to check it out. The Martian notices that this Cedar is almost extinct in Lebanon because both camps' leaders were so greedy over the ecological disasters of the greedy bourgeoisie. Who cares about the Cedar anyways? It is just a market commodity sold on flags, T-shirts, or small icons to tourists.

Whatever is going on, this nation is crazy to follow the leaders of both camps since both are selling out their own "people" to get a better share of the cake.

Everyone is dancing in the Streets, but everyone is angry from the "other".

This is one crazy country, the Martian realizes that Iraq, Sudan, or Afghanistan's politics are much simpler to understand and starts his tour in Baghdad.

MFL

PS: In case you are wondering how the Alien managed to take a walk in Lebanon without noticing. There are two reasons, either there is so much racism between the Lebanese or because he is a Green Alien, he was tagged with the AMAL movement.